Seven Simple Sanity Tips for Turkeys Like Us

Thanksgiving, as wonderful as it is, often brings families together, which may, in turn, heighten relationship problems. If a person’s history with the holidays is tragic, the association may elicit stress and PTSD.

In light of this, my gift to you this month is a list of—

SEVEN SIMPLE THINGS YOU CAN DO

TO PREPARE FOR AND MANAGE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING

1. Give thanks:

Start to cultivate an attitude of gratitude even as you plan Thanksgiving. Choose a special devotional or start a chart to post on the refrigerator to add to as you think of. . .

Example: Poster on refrigerator titled, “I’m grateful for. . .” with each family member’s name in the left column, and space to write one thing each day for the month in the right column.

2. Set boundaries:

Decide what you’re comfortable with regarding family interactions and promote boundaries to protect mental well-being. Present those boundaries in kind, thoughtful ways, using “prescribed” activities before things go south.

 Example: “I made an affirmation statement jar for us and am placing it here. Any time one of us starts getting mad, sad or stressed, we invite you to take a moment to reflect on the positive. Reach in and pull one out. Take it to heart, and then pass that affirmation on.”

This “prescribed” activity helps communicate the boundaries of responsibility for our own feelings and treating one another with kindness and respect.

3. Prioritize self-care:

Don’t forget to prioritize your own needs and well-being. Your need for inner peace, gratitude and connection are just as important as your need for turkey, ham, pumpkin pie or stuffing. Okay, maybe more important. Make a list of things that help you connect with your peace and gratitude and sense of closeness with those you love. When you create that timeline for cleaning, cooking steps or game day schedules, block out times for your self-care activities.

Example:

4. Create new traditions:

We can’t change anyone but ourselves. Even that is hard enough. But we can change a tradition. If someone else’s tradition isn’t working for you, replace it with one of your own.

Example: “I’m starting a new tradition. From now on, I’ll spend Thanksgiving at the local homeless shelter, serving food. Anyone care to join me?” or, “Anyone at the table who brings up politics, religion or taxes will now be required to stop and list three things they’re thankful about instead. Any of us can initiate this practice at any time during the visit just by clinking a glass with their spoon.”

5. Limit alcohol consumption:

Be mindful of overindulging in alcohol during holiday celebrations. If you’re the host, plan ahead to conveniently run out by the time everyone has had their limit, or announce the bar closed after a certain time and serve coffee, hot apple cider, hot chocolate and tea. Use the following amounts to pre-plan how much your group can have, considering the average person metabolizes one standard drink per hour.

6. Serve others together:

Consider volunteering or doing acts of service as a couple or family to foster a deeper connection. 

Example: Place a decorated, themed box at your door, and invite guests ahead of time to bring a canned/preserved food item to donate as they enter—or “charge” them a can each (if you’re sure everyone coming can spare it). This donation helps us remember that the food pantries for homeless and hungry people need food between, not just on, holidays.

November is National Child Safety Month, the perfect time to organize a family donation to end child abuse because this organization will DOUBLE your donation in November.

The Zero Abuse Project is a nation-wide organization dedicated to ending abuse. With programs for victims/survivors, training in prevention and administration of prosecutions, promoting changes in the justice system and educating everyone, they do an amazing job.

Learn more about them here:

About Us – Zero Abuse Project

Or click here to go straight to the donation-matching link:

Donation link for Zero Abuse Project

7. Ask for help:

Put family members to work doing what they do best. There’s no need to do all the work yourself while the rest of the family relaxes. ASK for help. Even PLAN AHEAD FOR HELP, such as having each person bring a dish, or arranging who will cook, who will clean and who will run interference with the known trouble-makers among your guests. Prepare a code word if you need a break, so you and your partner can communicate incognito if needed, and swoop in to relieve one another.

Don’t hesitate to ask for support to navigate challenging situations. De-escalate touchy situations early.

Keep your phone charged and have hotlines saved in case you or someone you know needs them.

Examples:

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788

Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Call, Text or Chat with a simple 988

THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!!

You took the time to subscribe, and many of you read The Bent Tree Path, Book One: A Secret Trail of Tears. Some even took the time to write an awesome review. Thank you!! This book is touching many hearts and lives with healing and hope. As you help spread the word, you duplicate this effect.

If this has been helpful, or if you’d like to share what tips you’ve found that help, please comment. Your comments and input are life!

Happy Thanksgiving and healthy relationships to all!

Joan T. Warren, MHSOT

Writing for healthy relationships with God, self and others