It slips away. It’s of the essence. It marches on. It will tell. It heals all things. It is the great thief. It is not your friend. It is relevant. It flies. It is nigh. It is money. It is short. It’s running out. It is up.
Do we need more time, or does the longing for it speak to our hearts, reflecting the place where there is no time?
(Yes, cliches. We writers have been told not to use them. Yet, the effect of streaming all-too-familiar cliches can be calming, amusing and even thought-provoking. Did I achieve that with this “time-saving” post? Engage with me in comments, yay or nay)
What do you think? Are healthy relationships a myth, an ideal, or achievable?
What ARE healthy relationships, anyway?
No decent novel anywhere–ever–features a protagonist with ideal relationships. Think of it. How many of us would have continued reading if Elizabeth Bennet reserved judgement and Darcy began in humility? Or if Pip and Estella spent their lives together in wedded bliss?
We all have drama. It plays with our souls, hinders us from our goals, and leaves us feeling like life is just a series of paying tolls.
(yes, silly rhyme intended)
At some point, though, we get to the point in our lives–just as in fiction–that conflict and drama forces our character to develop. We need to face our internal antagonist. Reckon with the bastard. Make the tough choice.
That point is our “Come to Jesus” point. That is when we realize our failures, internal and external, and take responsibility for them. Either we flail, wither and die, or seize the power of God to buoy us in our weakness and rise up to take the required heroic action.
Okay, you say, personal redemption. But what does that have to do with healthy relationships?
Everything, I say.
Because we simply can’t truly love until we recognize our own vulnerabilities, weaknesses and failures, take responsibility for them, and get the help we need to press forward, to develop, mature and live in humility and respect. We can’t expect healthy relationships with anyone until we develop a healthy relationship with ourselves. And a healthy relationship with ourselves is a humble one, in which the Higher Power is the One that loves, that forgives, that empowers. At least that’s the only way I’ve ever found. Maybe you have another experience?
Healthy relationships are real, but they are not always ideal. We don’t always get to see them in action, because they’re far more boring than novels and movies. They are the relationships that provide a listening ear, a loving massage for sore muscles, a meal for a hungry stomach at the end of an ordinary day, and help with the dishes. They also talk through their conflicts and commit to finding acceptable compromises and mutual support. They bear with one another, sometimes for years on end, believing and hoping and praying for what’s needed. Sometimes they never see it come to fruition, but they grow to love one another even more through it. But sometimes they part ways with irreconcilable differences and needs.
Wait, what?
Yes. Sometimes the healthiest choice for a relationship is distance. Maybe for a time, maybe for good. Because sometimes the conflict is just too difficult to resolve. Healthy relationships don’t force compatibility where there is none. They learn to accept and respect their differences, but choose to put away the practice of rubbing one another’s wounds with abrasive expectation that they meet one another’s idea of what they should be, or need them, to be.
Tell us. Does any of this resonate with you? Have you ended up choosing distance in a relationship that just didn’t work well? Have you learned to resolve conflict and mend an unhealthy relationship? Did years of separation from a loved one result in mutual growth and reconnection? Has God buoyed your flailing spirit and carried you into a healthier relationship with yourself? Share it here in the comments, please do! Or link to where you’ve blogged about such an experience so we can go read it on your spot.
If you need a little help getting started or progressing on the journey (and who doesn’t), click here for a guided journal, and let us know how it helped.
What does it mean to live heart to heart in a shielded world? What does it matter?
Today I passed the television as it played to an empty room. Katie Couric’s show was on, a first for me. She interviewed teens who nearly lost their lives from designer drugs. A young man explained how he got into Molly (ecstasy, MDMA, reportedly in its purest form) and began selling it to support his habit: when he tried it, it made him “feel like telling all his secrets” to someone, and in less than hour with someone he felt a close bond, like he’d known them forever. Wow. Sounds like the drug intensified then satisfied a craving he didn’t even know he had–a craving for intimacy, a craving for authenticity, a craving for feeling open and close to another human being. It’s too bad he needed a drug to give him that, since the side effects are so disastrous.
Living heart to heart is perhaps a bit like Molly, except it is real, throughout, and there are no significant negative side-effects. Living heart to heart is Read the rest of this entry →
Somewhere around my fiftieth birthday I started thinking seriously about what I could still achieve in the fifteen to twenty years I had left in the work force, and hoping I’ll have many healthy years after that to pursue leisure, creative and volunteer activities. I set goals, then made some tough decisions and changes to help me reach those goals. As of this writing, five years have passed since then. Sometimes I feel I am no closer than I was, that unforeseen challenges have blocked progress. Time to stop and take stock.
What was I thinking? In these five years I started and finished a master’s degree, started my own business while maintaining my annual income, kept up a large percentage of maintaining our home and daily life, helped my husband’s business through four months during shortages of office manager, front desk and phone system meltdowns, managed the stress of helping a teen stepdaughter through some serious challenges (that shall remain confidential unless she consents to my sharing them), and gave a large portion of my time to nurture and care for my live-in step-granddaughter! Whew, and, now that I think of it, all while battling fibromyalgia and menopause! Not too shabby after all.
Joan T. Warren: Heart to Heart 